After the release of his memoir, Lamar Odom stopped by to share and reflect on his marriage with Khloe Kardashian. In our EXCLUSIVE interview, he admitted what he should’ve done differently to win her back, after his 2015 coma.

Lamar Odom, 39, sat down with HollywoodLife for an EXCLUSIVE interview about his bombshell new book, Darkness to Light, which dives deep into his whirlwind romance with Khloe Kardashian, 34, among other things, including his NBA career and his bout with drugs and alcohol. Fans of the ex-couple will know that they wed in 2009 after a one-month romance. However, throughout their relationship, Lamar admittedly was battling a serious drug addiction, while also stepping out on their marriage on multiple occasions.

“Oh man, I wouldn’t get high,” Lamar said, explaining what he wishes he would have done differently while married to Khloe. “I think that would’ve helped out our relationship a lot.” In October 2015, Khloe and Lamar had already been in a tumultuous place. They were going through the process of divorce, when Lamar was found unconscious at Love Ranch, a Nevada brothel, following a cocaine overdose.  Lamar described his condition after he woke up from a coma as being life-changing. He was unable to talk, walk, and use his cognitive skills to communicate with Khloe, who was dutifully by his bedside every step of the way.

“My mind was just so scrambled. Sh-t, I just barely knew how to talk. So, I damn near didn’t know how to express my feelings,” at the time, he said, which in return, made him feel scared to approach his then-estranged wife. “When I came out the coma, I didn’t really know how to express empathy,” he said. “And if I did at that time, she would probably still be my woman.” To her credit, Khloe immediately put their divorce on hold to care for him, and following Lamar’s hospitalization, the reality star was named his primary caretaker, which allowed her to make all financial and medical decisions for him. Still, the pair eventually went through with the divorce, having completed the legal documents in December 2016.

Lamar Odom

“When I came out of that coma, I wish I knew how to express empathy,” Lamar admitted, noting that he attempted to communicate with Khloe that he wanted to be with her despite their ongoing divorce. “I didn’t really know how to express myself. Like I didn’t even know the steps to take. I was just learning how to walk and talk again. So I couldn’t even express the gratitude and admiration I had for her at that point,” he explained. 

“I really didn’t [know how to express empathy]. Psychologically, I was just stuck,” Lamar recalled. “I didn’t even know how I got there [the hospital] and if I did, I’m pretty sure she would still be my woman now… I definitely wouldn’t have gotten high. I think that was the beginning to the end of me and Khloe’s relationship.”

I guess part of me was scared [after the coma]. I would say I was scared. But, I still, at one time would be the best thing if she knew [my feelings],” he continued. “I didn’t want to let her down, or anybody down. I was letting myself down first and foremost. If you’re not loving yourself, you can’t love anyone else. I don’t think so,” Lamar said, noting that now, he feels empathetic. “I think because just coming out of the coma, just my head was just still scrambled. I didn’t really know how to express myself.” 

Now, Lamar is focused on fatherhood, his second chance at life, and staying healthy. However, he still hopes to one day reconnect with Khloe. “That would be totally up to her,” Lamar said, although the door is “totally” open on his end. 

“The love that I have, I don’t think it’ll ever diminish,” he admitted. “I married her after 30 days and when I woke up from out of the coma, she was wiping my backside. So, I don’t think that love will go anywhere.”